My Daughter’s Wedding – The Photographer
The Planner says:
DON'T SCRIMP ON THE PHOTOGRAPHER! If you look at wedding websites such as TheKnot or Wedding Wire you'll see that on average 10% of your overall budget is allocated to photography AND videography. Depending on your budget that may or may not be enough.
PLANNING NOTE: The photos from your wedding are the only lasting impression you're going to have of this most momentous occasion. Your children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren will look at these photos for years to come. If you have an album it will become part of your family history. You don't want the photos to look as if you took them yourself.
Do your research, check online reviews, get references, and listen to referrals unless they start with "my cousin had her sister's friend from high school who wants to be a photographer take her wedding photos." Take a look at the photos on the ATB website. They all all have photographer credit and hot links to their websites for easy reference. PLANNING NOTE: Narrow your choices down to your top three and then take the time to have an in person consultation with each after you check availability. Look at their sample albums. Make sure you get the shooter who took the photos in the album(s) you like. Sometimes studios have multiple photographers so check to see that your contract specifically lists the photographer you want by name. In my professional opinion a minimum of two shooters is essential. One person, even with multiple cameras, can't be in two places at once. If you need to keep costs down find a photographer who will give you a CD with all high-resolution images AND permission to use them. You can always order a professional album later when you can afford it.
Keep in mind your photographer is going to be with you ALL day from the time the you're both getting ready through cutting the cake and maybe the last dance. In addition to taking fabulous photos they have to have a personality you can live with for eight or more hours. Also remember it's YOUR day. Your photographer should work WITH you on your timeline, not against you. Do make sure that you've allocated enough time for all the photos you want taken. If your ceremony is at the same location as the reception you might consider seeing each other before the ceremony or else you're probably going to miss your entire cocktail hour. If your ceremony is offsite and you have hours between the end of the ceremony and the beginning of cocktail hour then your photographer should have plenty of time for photographs without seeing each other before hand.
Spend the money to get the right photographer for you. There are other places to save money. Photography is not one of them.
The Mother of the Bride says:
I knew this was going to be one of the more expensive components of the wedding and it was. Alison and Austen went to the ATB website and checked out the photographers there. They also did their own online research. They narrowed down their selections and after much discussion the husband and wife team of John and Lovina Arcara of John Arcara Photography was chosen. Austen does not like to have his picture taken was against lots of posed photos. He agreed to suck it up for the group family photos (his and ours) which I promised would be quick. While I hoped for a 60 degree day with no precipitation we all expected it to be cold outside. No one wanted to be out there longer than necessary. He wanted more spontaneous shots (aka photojournalism) and he surely got them. With no exaggeration I think there were 100 pictures of just the two of them in various locations around Asbury Park.
We did go over the 10% allocation (with 1 hr of OT it was about 13% and that's without video which will be another post). We paid a premium for the holiday which was to be expected. It was New Year's Eve after all. I feel that we did get value for our investment that included a box full of proofs and a CD with all the hi-res images. Alison and Austen got an album with about 100 photos (which is gorgeous) and my husband and I get our own album with 50 photos (that I've yet to choose).
What Brides Should Know BEFORE Meeting with the Stationer by Abbey Malcolm, Owner of Abbey Malcolm Letterpress + Design
When it comes to planning a wedding, there are a lot of big decisions you’ll be making about your special day. One of the most important decisions is choosing a stationer who can create invitations for your wedding that reflect your personal style and taste.
While every bride will have different preferences when choosing a stationer, there are a few tips every bride can use when preparing to meet with them. These tips will help make sure your time spent meeting with your stationer is productive in working toward the perfect design for your stationery.
Be Prepared to Show, Not Just Tell
Because your stationery will often be the first way your guests are exposed to your wedding theme, you want to make sure it’s consistent with exactly how you’ve envisioned your big day. As such, you want to do all that you can to convey your style and theme to your stationer the way you picture it.
If you’re working with a wedding planner, coordinate with them to provide any compiled materials that help show the tone, theme, color palette and style of your wedding. Pinterest can also be an excellent tool to help show colors, textures, patterns and examples of stationery that include design elements you like. Being able to show your stationer with images and examples will help make your meetings much more effective.
Know Your Numbers
In addition to showing style and themes, you should also be prepared to share numbers with your stationer. These numbers include:
- How many invitations? Not how many guests, but the number of actual invitations you will be sending.
- How many items in the invitation suite? Will you be including a reception card, direction card, activities card, etc?
- What is your budget? A common misconception is that ordering from a book is less expensive than custom invitation suites. Having an accurate budget ballpark can help your stationer determine which option is best for the look you envision.
Pay Attention to Time Frame
While your wedding planner can help you keep track of timing, you should also be aware of when you need to start planning and sending invitations, and getting your other stationery needs in order for the day of.
Save-the-dates: While not every couple chooses to send save-the-dates, it’s usually a good idea to do so 6-12 months in advance for destination weddings or those that will require extensive travel plans. Save-the-dates can also be a fun way to set the theme of your wedding with your guests.
Invitations: If your stationer isn’t involved in creating save-the-dates for your event, the process of meeting with your stationer should start about 4-6 months in advance of your wedding. If choosing a custom design option, this can help eliminate upcharges that often occur for rushed orders. If choosing a stationer that sells from albums, the necessary time frame is often less, but you should plan on sending invitations to guests 6-8 weeks in advance of the wedding. This will allow you to set your response date 4 weeks prior to the wedding date.
Day-of Stationery: For “day-of” stationery, such as seating charts, menus, table numbers, escort cards, etc., plan on leaving 2-3 weeks for your stationer to prepare the final items, once your guests have responded about their attendance.
Planning and designing your invitations can be such an exciting part of the planning process. Make the most of your design process by being prepared with the information that will help you, your planner, and your stationer work best together!
My Daughter’s Wedding: Invitations and Wedding Stationery
Photo courtesy of The Artist Group.
The Planner says:
Photo courtesy of Jenifer Rutherford Photography
Wedding Stationery includes anything that's printed on behalf of the event beginning with Save the Dates all the way through Thank You Cards. These are the first items that wedding guests will receive and it sets the tone for the entire event. Just remember that there's no 2nd chance to make a good 1st impression.
Event stationery is available from a wide variety of sources at an even wider variety of prices. PLANNING NOTE 1: No matter the source (online, stationery store, custom graphic designer) always get a proof before the final printing. Check the details (date, time, location) and spelling (try reading it backwards) before giving final approval.
You can keep it simple with just an invitation with RSVP card and SASE envelope or go a little more complex with a full suite in a pocket fold with inserts for directions, accommodations, rehearsal dinner, etc. Whatever you choose make sure it fits the overall feel that you want to convey for the wedding. You should be thinking of event stationery a minimum of 6 months prior to mailing. This allows plenty of time for design, changes, printing, assembly, envelope stuffing, addressing, and mailing. See the guest blog post by Abbey Malcolm "What Brides Should Know Before Meeting with the Stationer."
PLANNING NOTE 2: Do you know the difference between an escort card and a place card? An escort card "escorts" you to your table i.e. "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith Table 5" A place card shows you your seat or "place" at that table. Most weddings don't use place cards.
The Mother of the Bride says:
Alison and I were on the same page. We both wanted letterpress. Fortunately Abbey Malcolm Press had the ability to work with me on a rush order. During the time that Alison and I were working with Abbey she and Austen were working on (a) securing a venue for the ceremony and (b) the guest list. They had been working on both since early September but now it was time to get serious. Their limit was 150 guests. Austen would give me names like "Danny Boy" and "Cousin Joe" and "Bubba." This drove me nuts. Eventually I got the correct names and they secured a church for the ceremony. Not their first choice but they were happy.
Next up was the design. Alison and I had two totally different visions for the invitation design. Originally she wanted Art Deco, however, I didn't like any of the initial designs she showed and by the time she showed me designs I liked it was too late. Doing more research online (this time a good thing) she found a bubble design that we both liked and we emailed some samples to Abbey who then created three different versions and emailed them to us to view. Once Alison picked the one she liked we started to work on the wording for each piece. We had five pieces including the RSVP. Alison and I went to Abbey's studio to finalize the design and the wording, choose the overall size and type of invitation, style the inserts, and then choose the paper, fonts and ink color. You would think this would be the easy part, however, it was exhausting. So many on the spot decisions. The results were AMAZING! Happy bride and MoB! The design was used on everything - custom postage, invitations, inserts, menus, hotel gift bag labels, door tags, favor labels, and thank you notes. Abbey created a monogram for them that was used on their thank you notes and was made into a gobo for the party. We used envelope address wraps for the invitations that Abbey created from the guest list that we sent to her in EXCEL format. Once we went for the initial meeting everything else was done via email.
A note about postage. To make a long story short the postage for the invitation was originally calculated incorrectly by the post office. Custom postage stamps were ordered based on the amount given by the postal clerk. After the error was brought to the Post Master's attention he agreed to hand cancel each invitation and send them out through his post office. If any came back he offered to make up the $0.20 difference. Only one came back for insufficient postage - my son's! I put new postage on it and mailed it out again. PLANNING NOTE 3: It is highly recommended to take your fully assembled invitation suite to several different post offices before ordering custom postage and check the USPS website for criteria. When in doubt go with the higher postage. It will save you time and energy down the road.
PLANNING NOTE 4: Before inserting the RSVP card with SASE into the main envelope lightly number the back of each card to correspond with each name on your address list i.e. 1 -Mr. and Mrs. Robert Abbott. This will help you determine who sent the RSVP card back without their name. It happens - trust me!
The invitations went out. Three weeks later Hurricane Sandy hit. We know some RSVPs were lost in the storm not only in the mail but in people's homes that got flooded before they had an opportunity to RSVP. Phone calls were made. We also had several guests that didn't know that if the invitation is only addressed to Mr. and Mrs. John Smith then the children are not invited. Austen had to call two families and tell them the kids could come to the ceremony but not the party. One family came all the way from Hawaii. Fortunately they had an RV and teenage daughters to babysit!
We also had Abbey create all the ancillary stationery such as gift bag labels, door tags, menus that acted as place cards (see above) for dinner, resolution cards (see the blog post on Design/Decor), and embossed thank you note cards with custom monogram.
What I Would Do Differently:
I would have trusted my first instinct when I got the amount for the postage. Other than that - nothing. The stationery was beautiful and really fit the feel of the event which was to CELEBRATE the newlyweds and the New Year! Everyone who received it was impressed! It was worth every penny!!
PLANNING NOTE 5: If you have a custom monogram made, technically, it should not be used until AFTER the ceremony. Why? Because you're not married yet and your name hasn't changed until the pronouncement. Avoid using it on aisle runners and ceremony programs. Go wild with it for the reception!
My Daughter’s Wedding: It’s All About the Dress
The Planner Says:
If at all possible wedding dress shopping shouldn't be rushed. You may go in to a salon with a photo or a style in mind and come out with something totally different. The style of the dress will be reflected in the style and feel of the wedding (formal, whimsical, sexy, modern, vintage, etc). Set a budget and stick to it. Ask for dresses a little below your highest price. PLANNING NOTE 1: Once a bride tries on a dress that's above her budget that she loves she won't be able to get it out of her head and everything else will pale in comparison. Don't forget that the amount should include veil (or head piece), jewelry, under garments, shoes, alterations and sales tax. PLANNING NOTE 2: There is no sales tax on wedding dresses in NJ. If you buy the dress in NYC, for example, have the dress shipped to you in NJ to save the tax. You can always find someone closer to home to do the alterations.
Shopping trunk shows, salons that offer discounts, and sample sales can bring significant savings. Dress shopping can be tiring for the bride. Some of those dresses are heavy. The bride should sit and stand and dance in each dress that's being considered. Drop your arms down to your sides especially with a bodice that's heavily beaded. The beading can cause irritation that won't go away until you take the dress off sometimes 12 hours after putting it on for the wedding. Bridal dress sizes run small. Don't be surprised if you're normally a size 4 but they order you an 8. Listen to your sales person. At the established salons they have the experience to know what's going to look good on your body. It doesn't hurt to try it on. Once the bride says "YES!" try to find a similar style by the same designer (or design house) in the size the salon wants to order (if the sample you tried on wasn't the right size) just to see if that size is close to correct. PLANNING NOTE 3: Be aware that some salons will order a much larger size so that you'll have to spend more in alterations. I have found this to be especially true with bridesmaids dresses. DO NOT order a smaller size and think you're going to diet your way into the dress. Your fiance loves you at the size you are. A good seamstress can make a dress smaller. It's more difficult to make it bigger.
PLANNING NOTE 4: Make sure to bring someone with you to your final fitting who can learn how to properly bustle your dress. If yours is a French bustle have the strings numbered (1 to 1, 2 to 2, etc) to make it easier to match the correct strings. DO NOT tie the strings in knots. If it's an American bustle check to see where all the loops are for the hooks and what goes where. There's nothing more frustrating than to think the bustle is done and find an extra loop. Ask your salon to provide a bustling diagram. Bring small white zip ties just in case the bustle breaks because someone is going to step on your dress.
Mother of the Bride:
Happy Birthday to me! They're "officially" engaged! Finally! It's the end of August and now it's FOUR months until the wedding. Obviously I have not been successful in getting them to change the date. As a matter of fact I am officially banned from bringing it up ever again.
Alison and I go to Barnes and Noble and pick up the national issues of The Knot and Brides magazines to look at wedding dress styles just to see if she can narrow down the choices. She likes what she sees from Pronovias for both herself and her Maid of Honor (they will each only have one attendant). We want to go to Kleinfelds in NYC and try to make an appointment for the week after Labor Day (we're calling the Wednesday before). The girl who answers the phone knows nothing about customer service and tells me there's nothing available. Doesn't offer to put us on a waiting list, see what she can do, nothing. We're both turned off and disappointed about this but are determined to move on. We make appointments in NYC at the Pronovias flagship store and The Bridal Garden for the following Tuesday. Alison asks me if there's anywhere we could go today. I tell her to try The Bridal Garden (no relation to the one in NYC) in Marlton or Castle Couture in Marlboro. She looks at both online (this will become a trend) and calls Bridal Garden. She gets an appointment for 3:00pm that afternoon. After quick calls to my mother and my sister the four of us (and my credit card) are off.
I will tell you up front that this was not the experience I had waited 26 years for. It was over in two hours. I don't think the saleswoman Gillian (who turned out to be the store manager) knew I was the MoB until it came time to pay. No one asked me anything. Not what I had envisioned for her dress (no corsets or lingerie styles) or how much I wanted to pay. I had to run out to the car to get something. By the time I came back Alison had completed the card they gave her and she and Gillian had already talked. Gillian went off to pull dresses and brought back armloads. As Gillian got Alison into the first dress we three waited outside.
Photo courtesy of JLM Couture Website. Jim Hjelm Spring 2012 collection. This dress was 1st runner up.
That first dress turned out to be "the one!" I'll give Gillian credit she knew what she was doing. Put her in the most beautiful (an expensive) one first and let all the other ones try and beat it. We all "aahed" the moment she came out. The three of us tried very hard not to impose our opinion. If Alison loved it, we loved it. If she hated it, we hated it. She tried on at least ten more and looked amazing in all of them. She wanted to take photos and send them to her MoH in CA for her opinion. Not allowed. No Facetime either. She wouldn't try on a ball gown or one with a fuller skirt no matter how many times I asked "just once please." Alison is tall and has an amazing body with curves. If she couldn't get the the sample on - "don't bring me anything that real women can't wear" - she wouldn't consider it at all. Mermaids, A-lines, fit and flares only. While waiting in between changes we chatted with an FoB who was there with his daughter and wife. This was their 15th (!) bridal salon. They had been everywhere including Kleinfelds. He said she's tried on over 100 dresses. I wasn't expecting to walk out with a dress that day but I knew we weren't going to do this 14 more times either.
After trying them all on, and a few more than once, Alison narrowed it down to two dresses shown above; an ivory Lazaro and a blush pink by Jim Hjelm. Both are part of the JLM Couture group. The Jim Hjelm was less than 1/2 the price of the Lazaro. Guess which one she picked? When she put the veil on we all wanted to cry. I couldn't say no - she looked so beautiful! Gillian assured me she would be able to get the dress on time (current lead time was January!) and she did - almost two months sooner than even she said she would. Their alterations department is top notch. The dress needed only minor adjustments to the bodice. When they were done the dress fit her like it was made for her including special "hooks" inside the bodice that fit to her bra. Almost 50% over budget right out of the box including the veil, alterations, a lining for the dress, and sales tax. Her shoes cost more than the two dresses I bought for the ceremony/dinner and the party. This does not bode well for the budget.
Things I would do differenly: While I should have been more assertive in the beginning and asked for dresses at my price point or below the dress was worth every penny. Alison looked stunning on her wedding day. I was being selfish in wanting it to be just her and me dress shopping. My mother and my sister were the epitome of how to wedding dress shop by being totally supportive of the bride. I'm looking forward to going with my sister for my niece one day. Alison did complain (from the beginning when trying it on) that she was sweating in the dress. She took it off before the end of the reception and did the last 30 minutes in leggings, sneakers and "bride" tank top!
My Venue Told Me “You Don’t Need a Planner”
I had a fantastic consultation a few weeks ago with a couple that I call "soup to nuts" clients. They had just started to plan their wedding and had nothing done. They had looked at a few venues online and I gave them some referrals for a few other venues that fit their criteria. We went through all the questions on my survey and talked about what they wanted and how All the Best could help them. At the conclusion of our meeting they felt that I was very knowledgeable and were confident in my abilities. They even indicated that I was the only planner they were consulting. I went back to my office, wrote up their service proposal, sent them an email and waited for the "you're hired" response. And waited, and waited, and waited.
When they did get back to me they indicated that they had consulted with two more planners after our consultation and shared the names. They told me that based on these meetings that I should cost "X". I removed the services they said they wouldn't need and lowered the cost. Not quite to what they asked but close. Time went by again. The response this time was they were waiting to find a venue before deciding on a planner. I'm confused, especially since they agreed that I would be an asset during the venue search process.
One of the planners they mentioned I knew very well, the other not at all. When I asked the planner I knew if she had consulted with them she told me that, basically, they blew her off saying "the venue we visited told us we don't need a planner." WHAT??
I could go on for hours on why that's not true. The venue is going to hand you a list of "preferred vendors" and tell you to pick from there. How do they know if any of them fit your criteria? Do you get any value from picking from their list? The venue will hand you their timeline and say "this is way we do it." That's fine if you want your wedding done their way and not yours.
Is the venue going to read over the contracts and make sure they're inclusive of everything you discussed? Is the venue going to send you payment reminders? Is the venue going to make sure you're staying within budget? Is the venue going to work with your photographer and schedule hair and make up to make sure you've got enough time to get done what you want to get done? Is the venue going to be there to handle any emergencies that come up before the ceremony? Are they going to coordinate your hotel shuttles? Monitor your room blocks? Deliver your gift bags? Help with the wording for your invitations? Track down the RSVP stragglers? Work with your florist on your event design? Repurpose the flowers from the ceremony so your florist can concentrate on the reception? Listen to you when your mother or mother in law is driving you crazy? Answer the "what do you think about this?" questions? The list of what the venue is NOT going to do to plan your wedding is much longer than what they are going to do.
I've worked at those venues who tell clients they don't need a planner. Want to talk to those brides who hired a planner anyway? Arlene Schmid of Parties by Design always says "If I could talk to the bride the day after her wedding she would hire me every time!"
If you're that bride that believes the catering sales rep who tells you "You don't need a planner if you have your wedding here" ask them exactly what it is that they're going to do for you. If it's everything you wanted a planner to do then you're in the right place. If it's not then the next step is up to you.