What you Don’t Know about Wedding Planning can Hurt You

You Don't Know What You Don't Know - Part II

I have several clients who are getting married at a very upscale location here at the Jersey Shore. They pay a fee to rent the facility. They knew they had to hire a caterer, entertainment, and a florist. They didn't know that tables, chairs and linens for cocktail hour (or outside of the dining room) were not included. This is an additional expense they were not anticipating and are only finding this out as they negotiate their contract with the caterer and florist.

Recently I read a posting on a DJs website whom I use often (well as often as he's available - he's a busy guy!). The comment was from a bride who came to the realization that while her wedding day is very important to her and her fiance it's just one day in their lives.  They do want their wedding day to be special but they don't want the tears of frustration that have already been shed to turn to tears of anger.

Weddings can be stressful. As happy a day as it's supposed to be - stress does play a big part in wedding planning. That's one of the things you don't know until you're in the midst of it. Things you thought would be easy turn out to be more difficult then anybody could have anticipated ("Why can't Uncle Joe sit with Cousin Jeff and his wife?"). Things that appeared in a magazine have a way of not being the same when you want the same thing ("But the summer issue of <name that bridal magazine> showed peonies in the bride's bouquet for only $100! Why is my bouquet going to cost 5x that???" (because peonies aren't in season at the time of your wedding and will have to be imported and that's IF the florist can get them).

If you had $25,000 to invest would you use your best friend's brother's college roommate to invest it because he used a dart and the stock chart to pick his investments once and made a profit or would you hire a professional to help you get the most out of that money?? If you're spending $25,000 on your wedding would you know where to go and who to hire to get the most out of your investment? Or would you hire a professional wedding planner to help you manage your budget, learn the things you didn't know you didn't know, and get the most bang for your bucks?

Even as a professional wedding planner I learn new things that I didn't know I didn't know almost everyday. Do you know where to spend and where to save? Do you know what else you don't know you didn't know?? Investing in a professional planner is easier then you might think. Start with a consultation, ask as many questions as you can, ask for references, and get a proposal in writing then take it from there. Then you'll come to know what you didn't know and change those tears of frustration to tears of joy!

November 24, 2008

Do you get your exercise by jumping to conclusions?

Have you ever heard the phrase "He (she) gets his/her exercise by jumping to conclusions?" It's one of my favorites! My ex-boss was famous for it. Some people make assumptions - it's almost like profiling - with the least amount of information.

For example, I get a lot of "my ___________ doesn't like working with wedding planners" from my clients who have already chosen their professionals before hiring me. This cracks me up! While I've worked with plenty of professionals I'd rather not work with again I don't assume that everyone in their industry behaves the same. If I did I'd never hire another videographer.

I've had professionals come up to me after an event to express their hopes that we'll work together again. They had kept their assumptions to themselves before the event and gave me a chance to show them how All the Best is there to help not hinder them. I had one videographer (not the one referenced above) tell me he was apprehensive about working with a wedding planner because of past experiences. He told me that I was so easy to work with that he would recommend me to his clients. Now that's a compliment!!

I have a client who made the "my photographer doesn't work with planners" statement to me the other day. The funny thing is that the guy who said it isn't even the shooter at her wedding - he's sending one of his associates!  I have called this photographer three times and have yet to have the courtesy of a return phone call. I've been as nice as pie when leaving messages trying to let him know that I'm there to help not hinder. So far nothing and the wedding is in two days.

I have another client who is getting married at a beautiful venue here at the Jersey Shore. She's been going to area bridal shows to listen to bands and has taken the time to walk through the exhibitors area. She stopped to speak to one professional who asked her where her wedding will take place and when told the name of the venue responded "Well I guess you don't have to worry about a budget." WHAT???!!! Does that mean now that you know the venue you're going to jack up the price?? If her reception was at the Super 8 motel would you lower your price or not give her the time of day because you think she doesn't have a big budget? I am flabbergasted that a professional would make such an assumption based on just the reception location.

Personal experience trumps hearsay every time. I always try to find out the details so I can draw my own conclusions.  A variety of references from people who have worked with the professional in the past is a great place to start.  Some people are like Chicken Little (going back to the ex-boss again) - the sky is always falling. Most of the time the situation is not as dire or dramatic as originally presented. Like any good detective I try to do my research before drawing any conclusions. There are plenty of other ways to get your exercise other then jumping to conclusions!!

September 25, 2008

Planning a Wedding “Family” Style

Some of the weddings I've done have showed me the difference between those families who know what being a family is all about and those who put the "fun" in dysfunctional.

I could write a book on parent dynamics. I've done weddings where both sets of parents are still with their original spouse; where one or both sets of parents is divorced but everyone gets along; another where both sets of parents were divorced and while 7 out of 8 of them tried to do what was best for their children, one of the birth parents just seemed to want to make things more difficult then it should have been; and yet another where both sets of parents were divorced and while one set had each remarried there was still such animosity between them that they had to be separated at the ceremony and the reception - they didn't speak the entire two days I saw them. Yet  another set of parents who, while divorced for many years, got along well and for the sake of their child walked out together hand in hand to be introduced as the proud parents of the bride. Doing that brought their daughter (and me) to tears.

At another wedding it was difficult to get one of the families to cooperate.  Siblings were in the bridal party and and it seemed that whenever they were asked to do something ("wait here the processional is about to start" or "it's time for pictures") they would disappear. At one point, the brother who was the best man, started shouting at me in the middle of cocktail hour. There was no groom's family picture with the bride and groom because they couldn't stand still long enough to gather everyone. My associate and I were discussing this later and she said "they just seemed to have their own agenda" and she was right.

During the planning process of any wedding you can tell who's going to have their own agenda and who's going to do their best on behalf of the happy couple. Many times I've heard brides lament "Can't she just let me have one day? Why does it always have to be about her?" I would include the he/him aspect but I have to say, IMHO, it's always another woman who can't handle not being in the spotlight for a few days. Most of the time it's a relative (sister, cousin, aunt), sometimes it's a friend or even mom (!).

There was one wedding where in one breath mom would say "All I want is for my daughter to be happy" and in another breath would say "I don't like that, I'm not paying for it" after the bride had made a decision or comment about something she wanted. Meetings with professionals would take agonizing hours because of this. The bride would finally just give up and say "I don't care anymore. Whatever she wants is fine."

That's so wrong!! I'm all about the bride (as long as she's not a bridezilla - then all bets are off) and I want things to be as perfect for her as possible. If she asks my opinion I'll be happy to provide it. If I think one (some) of her ideas is a little off the wall I will probably say something but will always acquiesce if that's what she really wants. Why? Because it's not my wedding!!

If you're part of a family that's planning a wedding try to keep that in mind as the planning process moves ahead.  If you've already had your wedding try to remember what it was like as different people tried to pull you in different directions to get you to do things their way rather then yours. I still remember my mother not allowing me to have any color in my flowers. I wanted some pink flowers in my bouquet and she told me "no you're the bride, you get all white." My wedding was spectacular - my parents were very generous but I've been married 35+ years and I still remember this. If you haven't had your wedding yet, then your day will come and you'll want to be the one making the decisions as does the bride you're trying to help now.

The spotlight belongs on the bride and groom. Be happy for them and with them. Weddings are a truly joyous occasion and time for families to come together from near and far to celebrate the expansion of their family as each side welcomes a new member.

September 21, 2008

Wedding Costs

While at a venue with a client the other day we got to walk through the ballroom while it was being set up for a wedding reception that evening. In the midst of the chaos was one of the wedding planners we've all seen on TV (come on you know you watch the Style channel) overseeing a sea of assistants working on the most outrageous decor!! ALL of the linens were custom made, the centerpieces had a base of beautiful jewel colored flowers with branches reaching towards the ceiling with balls of red flowers & crystals dripping from them. The menus at each place setting were wrapped in 3 - count them 3 - bengaline napkins hand tied with a beaded ribbon and there were various sizes of gold candles everywhere. There was a separate lounge seating area, custom drapes that covered the windows (and hid the beautiful view) and a huge dais for the wedding party. Special lighting was another feature and a 12 pc band was scheduled to play. We heard rumors that the cost for everything was over $150,000 for 200 people. You can imagine how spectacular that room was going to look after all the candles had been lit and the lights were dimmed.

Now let's take a deep breath and turn the page as I recall a recent article in our local newspaper about a wedding planner who can do your entire wedding, including vendors and her fee, for $10,000. Yup, $10,000.00.

So what's a bride to do??  I've got to tell you that my client, for the same amount of people, will not be spending $150,000.00 but will be spending more then $10,000.00. We've hired a fantastic floral designer whose sample centerpieces just blew us away. White orchids, roses and candles will be everywhere. Charger plates, custom ice sculptures, specialty lighting and letter press stationery included.  But what about that $10,000 wedding??

My concern with that article, and that price, is that there was a lot of information missing. What do you get for this $10,000? What kind of food?  Where's the event being held?? How many guests? Does it include a photographer, flowers, entertainment, invitations?? If so who gets to choose them? If it's the planner, what if the client doesn't like her vendors???

I had a consultation with a lovely couple the other day. Their budget for 150+ people was $15,000.00 and they wanted an outdoor weekend destination for their guests. They asked how realistic their budget was and I tried to be honest. I've had clients start out with that amount and when they realize what they can (or cannot get) the budget starts to slowly increase until they've spent $5,000 - $20,000 more then originally projected. Either that or the guest list shrinks.

Why? Because my experience, and research conducted by Brides Magazine, shows that brides want what they want and when they (finally) find it, they're willing to pay for it. Do you have to spend $150,000 to get it? In my opinion absolutely not. Will you get it if your budget is only $10,000? That all depends on your willingness to compromise.

My hat is off to the planner who can do an entire wedding for $10,000.00. I'd love to see a sample of her work. The article showed a very happy bride and that price range does fill a big niche. My hat is also off to the planner who did the $150,000 wedding. She does a lot of high end weddings and does them very well. Should I ever have a client with that kind of budget I'll tell them the same thing I tell all of my clients now -  if I'm not spending that kind of money (on whatever it is) then neither are you! I try to make sure that my clients get the most bang for their buck (and trust me my single daughter knows this. She's already told me that the majority of her budget is going to be spent on a fabulous dress and her guests can eat hot dogs & beans. It's a bridge I'll cross when the time comes......). Who knows what that $150,000 wedding would have cost or what it would have looked like if those clients tried to do all of that on their own.

So here's my point (again) - hiring a wedding planner should save you money regardless of the size of your budget. IMHO that's the value of a good wedding planner! Your wedding day is an investment in your future as a married couple. If you don't know how to spend your money wisely - hire a qualified professional to help you.  It's the only sane way!

May 28, 2008

What you don’t know about Wedding Planning can hurt you – part I

I am an active member of the Association of Bridal Consultants here in NJ.  At a recent local networking group meeting one of our speakers was a recently engaged young man.  He sat through dinner and listened as the planners at the table discussed venues and vendors that they would prefer not to use again.  At the end of the meeting he pulled me aside and asked if he and his fiance could take me to dinner one night to ask me some questions about how to get started on the journey that will culminate in their wedding.  I do offer "ask the planner" consultations and agreed to meet with them.  As we were parting he said "I didn't know that I didn't know all that's involved in planning a wedding."

That sentence, in a nutshell, is why an experienced wedding planner can be such a vital part of your planning process.  As someone not on the inside, so to speak, you're not going to know that one planner had to use her "mother voice" (as I call it) to finally get the PA system going for an outdoor wedding after she had been asking nicely for almost 2 hours!!  Imagine you're the bride at that wedding without a planner.  You get to the altar to meet your groom and as you stand there in front of family and friends, ready to take your vows, you discover there's no sound and no one can hear you.  What are you going to do??

IMHO an experienced planner is essential to a smooth planning process.  Their value lies in the circle of contacts and reliable vendors that can save you time, money, and aggravation.  Hiring a planner puts you on the inside so you get to find out all you need to know that you didn't know you needed to know.

April 23, 2008